The following appeared in The Monitor Volume 15 Issue 5 and was published 11-3-2008
Here we go. I make no apologies if I offend your sensibilities, but I have to go right out and say it: if you do not like The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, on a non-ironic level, you are an insecure loser who has no business watching television.
I hope I have your attention. The Suite Life is this sitcom on the Disney Channel which features the talents of its twin stars, Cole and Dylan Sprouse as Cody and Zach respectively, as they raise hell living in a five star hotel in Boston Massachusetts. They are joined by a rather large cast, especially for a Disney Channel show, as various components of the hotel. There is Arwin the wacky janitor-cum-inventor, their mom the lounge singer, the buffoonish rich girl London, London’s poor counterpart Maddie, the manager Mr. Moseby (Hooch is crazy), and a variety of bellhops, maids, and cooks that keep variety in such an undemanding premise. The show itself is actually finished now after 88 fantastic episodes, but there is a nautical themed spinoff, The Suite Life on Deck. It is, as you can imagine, not as good.
It also stands to point out that this show is part of Disney Channel military industrial complex. For those uninitiated, the Disney Channel is not the channel you and I watched after school that showed Darkwing Duck and the Gummi Bears. this thing is its own world unto itself, responsible for the High School Musical franchise, Hannah Montana, the Cheetah Girls, the Jonas Brothers, HIllary Duff, not to mention up-comers Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. The Disney Channel doesn’t have third party commercials. Commercial breaks consist solely of advertisements for other Disney Channel shows. And even the shows themselves are incestuous. There is an episode of Suite Life, and I swear to Allah I am not making this up, where the gang perfoms a high school play, and they decide to perform none other than High School Musical. You can then, potentially, watch a Disney Channel television sitcom performance of a Disney Channel television movie (recall the original HSM was a made-for-TV-movie that won two emmys). On top of this, there are so many cross over episodes between the shows that you begin to wonder if the entire Disney Channel cast does not all live in a dormitory in Orlando somewhere. Bottom line, it is a spectacle to behold.
The success of this show, however, ultimately lies with the pure acting power of the titular twins. They seem to have convinced themselves they are actual actors, and not the end component of some hideous corporate entertainment machine. So they act. They act the hell out of every scene they are in. They don’t phone it in. In fact, I wish they did sometimes. But whatever I’m on board, no matter what.
Alright, I understand the hesitation at watching something that is so clearly aimed at the tween market. I get it. You’d rather be watching Mad Men or The Wire, or some other show that offers more titillating content. Well you know what? There’s something still to be said about a simple two-plotline sitcom format. Watch I Love Lucy or Dick Van Dyke, and you’ll see what I mean. Those shows are critically acclaimed, and they are at least as campy and silly as what the disney channel shows. You don’t see that kind of product anymore; modern TV now tries to imitate the intensly high brow humor of Seinfeld and the ultra-hip modernization of the family unit in Friends. The last clean, innocent sitcom that I can remember was the ultra-shitty Full House, and it’s been a steady decline ever since. So I for one applaud the Disney Channel for bringing a-backy the wacky sitcom, even if it is all just to peddle Hannah Montana pencil cases on pre-pubescent girls.
What to eat while watching: Now the show is set in Boston, so we will keep the theme with a pretty choice chowder. Start off by cooking a few strips of bacon in the bottom of a big stock pot. Remove the bacon after it’s done, and use the oil to saute a cup or so of onions. Start draining the clams (2 cans), and slowly add the clam juice plus like a cup of water to the onions with a little flour. Add a little bit of savory, thyme, salt and pepper. cube like 4 potatoes. Throw them on in. Simmer until, you guessed it, the potatoes are done. I really hate putting potatoes in shit like this because it takes so long for them to cook. Fuck potatoes and their deliciousness. Add the bacon and the clams and like 2 cups of milk and some parsley. That makes enough to last you at least 4 episodes of Suite Life.
2 comments:
I don't watch like "How I Met Your Mother" or shit like that, but it seems that "It's Always Sunny" is a really self-consciously classicist sitcom. Two-arc plots, where the characters learn a lesson through a crazy scheme every episode. The only thing they add to the mix is profanity and offensive shit.
I mean, I'm relatively certain that the majority of sitcoms still have to two-arc format. I guess the more modern aspects i refer to are more like callbacks to previous episodes, plot arcs involving previous knowledge of the characters, and even having dramatic episodes, which if I had to guess would say has been around since about mary tyler moore era. I want to clarify your comment on sunny, the real only provocative thing it brings to the table is a cast composed entirely of buffoons. I'm not qualified to say this, but I'm guessing that's an even older theater standard.
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