You probably don’t watch enough TV. You probably don’t even want to try out new shows, because ‘TV is garbage these days.’ Well, my friend, you should be ashamed of yourself. Not watching unhealthy amounts of TV is un-American. Sarah Palin watches 6 hours of TV a day and look how far it took her.
I want to bring to your attention a newer show that really needs to be watched: Burn Notice. A burn notice is like the scarlet letter or something of the spy world. Or perhaps the scarlet letter is the burn notice of the puritan world. But I suppose that would raise questions regarding the special case of a puritan spy. They almost assuredly existed (to keep tabs on witches and the church of England). My question is if they got themselves in real hot water, would the bosses force the accused to wear the burn notice upon their bodice/waistcoat? If only Elder John Winthrop were still around today.
So anyway this show is about this spy that is falsely accused and now he works essentially as a private eye, alongside Bruce “don’t call me Ash” Campbell and a woman who’s skin is old leather like a book and has an English accent that sticks out awkwardly through her false American one. It’s wrapping up its second season on USA. Go look it up if you are interested; that’s what the Internet is for.
It’s set in Miami. This is a fairly recent practice that I must say I approve of. Shows have been blowing up Miami in the last few years. Dexter, Nip/Tuck, CSI, they all got set there as if Miami is the new OC. Before that, what did you have, Miami Vice and the Golden Girls and Flipper. Yeah that’s what I thought. Miami is back and it is fucking ready to kick some ass. Speaking of Flipper, does anyone else remember that horn thing that Porter would stick in the water and crank, and Flip would hear it and come swimming in from like miles away? Was that thing for real? It was like a dolphin version of a dog whistle. Well, a reverse dog whistle. A reverse dolphin dog whistle. Horn thing.
So this wronged spy, Michael, is super-ultra-trained to be good at everything, and he’s basically a one man A-Team, helping out his fellow man. The show does this little voice over thing that follows this exact sequence every time:
1. Michael is trying to con some guy into telling him where the drugs are or whatever
2. Bad guy pulls a gun on him or some cops show up or something else unexpected happens
3. Michael, always prepared, acts accordingly. Cue voice over (“When your cover is blown, the trick is to _______”)
The silly thing is it doesn’t get old. The “expert protagonist that covertly shares every little trick of the trade with the audience” convention is one that leads to popularity. See also: MacGyver. See also: The A-Team. See also: Chuck Palahniuk.
What to eat when watching: Miami has no specific cuisine, but what it has got are literally boatloads of Cubans. I’d recommend keeping it light, but the thing about Cuban food is that it specializes in savory dishes. Stews and soups and whatnot. My pick is basically a rabbit fricassee I learned from a Puerto Rican machinist from my days in the service. Take your rabbit or chicken and sear it with onion, garlic, green pepper, saffron, cumin, salt, pepper, lemon juice, and bay leaf (he never was clear on the amounts, so figure them out yourself, you seem like a reasonable person). Cover with water about 2 ½ cups for 3 lbs meat in a large pot). Simmer 20 minutes. Add some potato. Let them cook until tender (another 20 minutes). Finish with raisins, capers, olives, olive oil, and some tomato paste. Let those simmer for a bit, add some peas and serve. Goes well with red or black beans and rice. Eat it with friends or alone, you sorry bastard.
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