I watched the presidential election with baited breath, hoping to savor every morsel of such an auspicious event. Were the American people going to alienate every man, woman, and other country in the world by selecting a spectre of the past eight years, or will they hobble themselves by going in with a man whose resume is slightly larger than my own? Anderson Cooper decided to mark this landmark election by introducing a hologram of will.i.am, and I decided that national politics had become a sporting event and that there was probably something better on. Fortunately, TLC has new episodes of one of its finest shows, What Not to Wear.
Now as far as reality tv is concerned, if it ain’t Top Chef i really couldn’t give a crap about it. but cable one has apparently never heard of bravo (what the fuck, guys!) and this one actually isnt terrible. it starts off the same as any other, friends nominate a person to get a makeover, the host of the show surprises them and buys them a big expensive wardrobe. it focuses on the usual specimen, the not-attractive-but-with-redeeming-features kind of everywoman, age 28-45, the kind that feels comfortable in wearing shitty stretch waistbands to work because they foolishly believe that personal presentation doesn’t reflect one’s own self confidence and their inner charm will win people over. Also featured are these anachronistic idiots that think just because they bought some hideous 80’s jacket for a costume means they can wear it all the time. The show then seemingly destroys them, throwing all their clothes away while jabbing at their poor fashion sense. The hosts are a duo of fashion world rejects who achieve just enough success in their lives that they think they shit pure gold. They supply the victim with a line of credit, give them suggestions, and send them on their way buy new clothes that don’t suck. Since this person is clearly not able to choose their own clothes, there will only be more ridicule until finally, the hosts essentially pick out the clothes for them anyway. Then, just to make sure that the makeover actually looks good, they give the victim professional makeup and hair styling and voila, another life is changed.
So basically the show is about making fun of people that don’t really care how they dress. and while i fully support the making fun of of people for whatever reason, this is television, and far from reality. There is a scene every show where they take the old clothes off the rack and mock the person pretty brutally about their mickey mouse t-shirt, or a gross teal oversized sweater as they throw it in the trash. The victim here gives the pretty universal excuse that it’s ‘comfortable’ as to why they have such abortions in their closet.
This does not fly with the hosts, who both wear tight clothing and have much better body types than the victim. They chide them on not acting their age, or not being self confident, and they are largely right. It’s debatable how much of the show is real and how much is coached, but I’d be willing to guess that most of these women are actually pretty unashamed of their clothes because they have already given up on impressing people under the guise of ‘not caring what others think of them.’ I know people like this; hell i LIVE with people like this. It isn’t pleasant. Fortunately then they get a makeover courtesy of the show and it changes their introspective and they realize what everyone else knows already: that fashion does matter.
Eats: so if you watch this show chances are you are either a fashionista or trying to pick up fashion tips. So let’s go with a hip veggie lo-cal snack for both of your tastes. I picked this up one time chatting up this vietnamese waitress in the San Francisco airport who wanted to become a chef and was saving up money for culinary school. These are delicious fresh spring rolls, direct from some third world country that knows how to make good food from cheap ingredients. First undercook some asian vermicelli (bout 3-5 minutes). Then soften up some rice wrappers by soaking them in warm water for like a second and lay them flat. lay out some of that vermicelli, some lettuce, and give it a bit of fresh basil, mint, and cilantro leaves (i personally don’t care for the cilantro, but come as it may). You can also slip a boiled halved shrimp in there if you are ok about the mistreatment of small crustaceans that are unable to feel pain anyway. Roll all that shit up tight as you want it. Now the sauces are kinda where the spring roll shines. You can go sweet, like a sweet soy garlic thing, or spicy like szechuan and siracha. You coul even go really acidic, and make a fish-lime juice sauce. There are as many choices as things you can put together in a bowl. My personal favorite is hoisin, although I’ve never attempted to test the local grocers for it.
